Is That Legal?

Not to be outdone by lawmakers in our nation’s capital, Washington state legislators are tackling some tough civil rights legislation. For instance, House Bill 1606, wants to take away your right to poop on public transit. This actually sounds like a good idea. If you’ve never unloaded on a metro bus, and I hope you haven’t, it may soon be too late. Why this sudden fervor to decrease public defecation? Perhaps it is the unveiling of our new 2009 Link-Light Rail. Someone might actually want to ride on this train, since we are paying $2 billion dollars for it.

On the flip side, it is against the law to light up a doobie on any type of public transit. House Bill 1177 reduces the penalty of possessing 1.4 ounces, or less, of weed to a civil infraction with a $100 fine, rather than up to 90 days in the cooler. Move over British Columbia; here comes Seattle. But check your bus schedule and toke up before the bus comes. Thanks to Initiative 901, the smoking ban, you can’t be smoking no doobie on public transit.

Due to yet another public initiative, Seattle can not charge the planned twenty cents for a disposable paper or plastic sack to carry your beer and Ding Dongs home. We citizens stomped that scheme. Now House Bill 1154 forbids any city or town in Washington from ever dreaming about charging a fee on unnecessary waste. Bravo. You can’t push us (read Weyerhaeuser) around! This ain’t California, you know!

We have all improved our homes, weaning ourselves from the warm glow of incandescent light, replacing our bulbs with compact fluorescent energy-savers, with illumination so unkind, that people we love appear bloodless and infirm. If installed in the bedroom, they double for birth control. An added plus, the rest of your home now has all the allure of a neighborhood Walgreens. They don’t work with dimmers. They are not recommended if you turn your lights off and on. Nor if you have ceiling cans. And to cap it all, they are hard to toss, because they contain mercury. But other than that, we love them. House Bill 1469 will force whoever created these wonderful alternatives to take them back when we’re done with them.

We now have the right to die with dignity, thanks to I-1000. Thank you Oregon, for pioneering the way, giving us the same rights our pets have had for years.

Meanwhile, our legislators are busy drafting ground-breaking Senate Bill 5063, allowing tins of ashes containing the remains of your favorite furry friends to be buried right alongside the tins of ashes containing YOU. That’s right. Until now it was legal to poop on a bus, but it was illegal to share a grave intended for humans, with another species. Demonstrating the need for this legislation, twenty Washingtonians chose to inter their human ashes at Pethaven Cemetery in Kent, WA, rather than miss out on spending eternity alongside their cat, little Miss Stinkybottom. Cat lovers rejoice. But not you birds, lizards, and snakes. No frogs. No turtles. Without further legislation, you guys are spending eternity in the backyard.